You know when its the end of the year...

You know when it's the end of the school year when:
-A normally good student with good grades, grades are dropping.
-When you can't sleep at night.
-Waking up in the morning keeps getting harder.
-When you don't really give a crap what you look like.
-When after school sports are not fun anymore.
-When you leave a banana in your backpack for two days and it gets bruised and squished by your books and opened and got all over your assignments and text books.
-When your note books no longer contain paper.
-When a person who is normall on the ball is procrastinating.
-When you are just now freaking out about your grades.
-When you don't have anymore pens or pencils to use and when you ask people if they have an extra they dont have any either.
-When even the teachers don't want to do anything.
-When you take tests for weeks at a time.
-When you can't remember where you put something you have two minutes ago.

What should I do?

So, This pretty much sucks... I go to school and he is the high light of my day. I'm automatically happy. Someone please take me to the hospital.

I can't like him. I wont. Okay, I will try not to. Boyfriends ruin everything! When I have a boyfriend my grades go down, I suck it up more then usual at track, and I'm never satisfied with the way I look. Yeah... Everything is messed up. But then again. He seems to make everything better. When my grades go down he tells me not to worry about it, that I can do this. Then, when I have a meet he tells me he KNOWS I will do good. On days I look like crap he compliments me.

Of course, this wouldn't be a problem if I didn't over think things. I over worry about my grades, I kinda want to quit track and focus on grades... track is almost over anyways, and I am never satisfied with the way I look. Then, I over thought liking him. I thought about how if when we break up we would hate each other. We wouldn't talk as much or have as much fun when we do talk. Also, hanging out with him after that would be awkward. Then, while we were going out he would get to know me better and realize what a freak I am. That or just plain get sick of me. Also, a girl like me wouldn't last a day with a guy like him... He's so... perfect. It's not fair. Standing next to him is like standing next to the richest guy in the world when you're a hobo. So, I figured that if I didn't go out with him and just stay friends everything would be great because none of that would happen. Then, me and my stupid over thinking things... I thought about how would if he gets sick of trying. Would if just being friends is boring and he gets sick of me. Would if this amazing girl walks into his life and they go out and NEVER break up! WOULD IF WOULD IF WOULD IF! Really... Kacee... Really...

Obviously... I'm such a loser! Seriously, why can't I be care free like every other teenager in this world? Life would be so much less complicated for me. It really would. So... What to do... What to do... Ask the guy out? Pray extremely hard he says yes, and risk messing things up with your friendship? Or, not go out with him and bore him to death with your overly boring personality.... Follow your heart? No, you have to have a heart to do that one. Huh? Do what makes me happy? Having him for as long as I can would make me happy. Yeah. Call me stupid, but I just want him in my life no matter what. Since, my dad passed I have an issue with losing people. When I find someone that matters. I try everything to keep them around. Goll... I'm crazy.

The Last Song

Yeah, today Katie and I went to see "The Last Song"... You know the stupid Miley Cirus movie. Yeah, we went to watch it because there was a hot guy in it, and we thought it was going to be a love story... Yeah, that show is definitely NOT a love story...
Katie, and I were the only one's in the theater, and that was definitely a good thing. In the show her dad dies. . . . . Katie and I started bawling our eyes out! Seriously! It was the saddest thing that has happened to me in a long time! Katie pulled out tissues from her jacket and by the time the movie was over the tissue... was... well... I wouldn't have classified it as a tissue anymore. It looked like moss hanging from trees, or cob webs in a horror movie. It was so wet I could almost wring it out.
When the movie end we walked out of the theater and just our luck... a kid from our school was in the lobby. We bolted into the bathrooms... HOW EMBARRASSING! SERIOUSLY! Then, as we were leaving the people at the concession stands told us to have a nice day... psh... they only said that cause we had make up running down our faces with red eyes.
We got in the car and Katie was calling Nathan. Before he even said hello I was bawling my eyes out AGAIN! Katie had me talk to Nathan and eventually he has me calmed down... Yeah so embarrassing... to the power or 97! Thankfully, I got to text the guy I like and he made me feel better. Such a sweet heart!

True love is when you can't sleep because for once reality is better then your dreams.

Yesterday, after track I went to Jessica's house and Megan showed up. I forgot how much i missed chilling with Jessica and Megan. We got all cleaned up and went and made pizza, spaghetti O's, mac n cheese, and brownies. While they were making them they were pushing a fart button on Megan's ipod touch and being complete dorks. It was hilarious!
Then, together we all went to Jeremy's concert. (He set up this concert at the junior high, and it was with all the local bands.) While we were getting ready I learned the boy I like was coming. We all got there I planned on chilling with Megan and Jessica, but when the guy I like showed up they both bolted. I was left sitting there freaking out not knowing what to say. Thanks guys. In the end it turned out to be a pretty good night.
I was up til twelve thinking about him. <3>Kacee what's wrong with you!?!!?!? Honestly. Up all night thinking about guys, not focusing on track, and worrying about grades on a weekends. What is going on with you? You're all Topsy turbey!

STRESS!!!

Stressful day. Grades. Need I say more?

Me and my thinking again...

Dude, this quote is exactly my way of thinking! You see... I have this problem with letting people go. I try to avoid it at all costs.

Have you ever liked someone, but wish you didn't because you know that all high school relationships eventually come to an end? Like you don't want something to go wrong, or drive them away because they mean THAT much to you? Cause that's how I feel.

I like a boy, and he says he likes me too, but I wont go out with him because I don't want to eventually lose him.

Yup... I admit it... I'm crazy. But inside my mind it makes perfect sense!

Drugs.

Hey, Kacee here again.

Who else would you expect? I need to apoligize for something I did to a friend. I'm not going to say names or point fingers at this person because that's not what I'm trying to do. I just want to get a point across to all my other friends and you. I want you guys to understand this about me.

I personally think that drugs are stupid. THEY ARE! They show weakness. They show you have no respect for yourself or the people around you. These days us kids fight for the right to express ourselves and be ourselves. We want to be respected as who we are, not what people want us to be. Kids want argue with their parents for freedom to hang out with who they want to. But those same kids are the kids out there doing drugs. Drugs are NOT part of those categories.

I mean think about it. When your under the influence of drugs you're not yourself. You act completely different, you're not in control of your life. Therefore, You don't respect yourself, or the people around you. The people who love you, and the people you love because you're not yourself anymore. You also lose your right to express yourself because when your under the influence of drugs your NOT yourself. You don't respect yourself because drugs can kill you, and killing yourself isn't respect. You lose your freedom to drugs because now your addicted. For life. If you're saying one thing to your parents, and trying to fight for it, but going out with friends and doing the exact opposite... You dont deserve the freedom to hangout with who you want to. Now do you?

Most of all drugs show you you're weak. They show weakness. They show not only have you given up to peer pressure, but you've given up on so much more. You've given up on yourself. Your friends, family, boyfriend or girlfriend. Because when you get lost in drugs you lose yourself. And when you lose yourself then you've really lost it all.

This topic is touchy to me okay? IT IS! I remember when I was little and my dad was drinking and driving with us in the car. We crashed... alot. We could have died. He could have killed us! That night I lost all respect for my dad. I did. What kind of person would put not only their lives but their loved ones lives in danger, too? Luckily, we all survived, but because of that night we had to move to Alaska. Eventually, I started talking to my dad again, but nothing like before. It was gone you know? And it hurts thinking back to that day okay? Also, my dad isn't the only family member of mine that has been into drugs. So trust me when I say these things about drugs okay? Because I know. ---I love you dad. Because of you I wont do drugs... Thank you.

Now, back to the real reason why I am posting about drugs. I herd a friend of mine has done drugs, and I dumbfounded! I freaked out and asked my friend about it and that friend admitted to doing drugs. I yelled at my friend. I should have taken the news better, but I didn't. I just want what's best for my friends. I don't want my friends to have to live life with drugs because their friends never cared enough to tell them what they were going was stupid. I was trying to help. I just didn't know how to get the point across.

-----Please forgive me. All of my friends for the past, present, and future if you make a mistake, and I blow up at you. Because I only mean you well. I love you guys.

Dream...

I know you guys are probably sick of reading about my grades, but it's really worrying me. Does anyone want to hear something that I've only mentioned to my mom? Okay, well don't laugh cause here it goes.

Since I got my first set of straight A's this year after the first quarter I was really proud of myself. I didn't think I could do it. Honestly, I'm not smart AT ALL! I'm really not. So, when I saw that I got all hopeful thinking. I imagined myself at the top of my class giving that famous speech they always do to everyone who graduated. I want to graduate at the top of my class, but it's a hard dream to fulfill. Especially when everything keeps going wrong with my grades.

Everytime i look at power school my grades go down UGH!

Tomorrow.

I'm scared to talk to my P.E. teacher about my grade. I was up all night worrying about what she would say. I DESERVE those points for that day, and if she wont believe me my mom and her are going to have a nice little chat.
I'm scared to go to track tomorrow because I'm sick... AGAIN! Can you believe it? That's so annoying... My glands in my throat are swollen... What are those antibiotics the doctor perscribed supposed to do anyways? Because there not doing anything. I'M THROUGH WITH BEING SICK!
But, on the bright side I get to see him. <3

Cross Roads

There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at a crossroads. The choices we make in those moments can define the rest of our days. Of course, when faced with the unknown, most of us prefer to turn around and go back

...............

(What can I say... I'm in a posting mood today. I have alot on my mind.) Let me ask you a question. Say someone tells you they want you out of their life so wouldn't that mean all of it? Every single piece of it OUT! For good?
Your answer: Yes, that would mean all of it. They don't want you around so you should respect that.
EXACTLY! YOU'RE SO SMART! BECAUSE THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I THOUGHT! I figure heck! He's got a girlfriend he is over me so I can have my favorite pillow case back. I ask all politely and I am told to stay out of his life. So, I have his sister get it and I get yelled at for not getting my things back myself. Well I tried! Jerk!
So, they ordealio was over, and he deleted me off myspace and facebook. What ever. Then, today I go and get on the computer and my mom's facebook was open, and so was her chat. Before, I sign her off I notice that Jared was online in her chat box. WOW, WOW, WOW, WAIT BACK UP AND FREEZE! My mom is a big part of my life! Heaven forbid she gave birth to me! So, delete me from all social networks but not my mom? What does that show? Huh... I'm not going to let it get to me... Cause I like someone else. =D

..........

Next matter of buisness- Grades. UGH GRADES!!! I hate my grades! I hate them! But, I love them at the same time. Okay? What Kacee? You're not making any sense! Simmer down and lets explain to the common folk what the heck you mean!

My grades. Are crazy amazing, but I'm sick of everyone expecting me to get good grades all the time! It's so annoying! Especially, when it's me who expects me to get good grades. Heaven forbid I can't weld if my life depended on it! So there goes my welding grades! I was going to switch otu of that class and sissy out like everyone else who traded out, but! That would me that the glory wouldn't be all that great now would it? NO! So, here I am tuffing out that class and now I have a C in P.E. Grr... Because I lay down on a blue matt for two minutes I don't get any points for that day? WHAT'S WITH THAT! To answer your statement forming in the back of your head... YES!!! I AM GOING TO GO TALK TO THAT TEACHER! Because that's NOT FAIR!

..........

To end on a happier note :D Last night at the dance was amazing! I had fun! Track seems to be going good. :D

There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at a crossroads. The choices we make in those moments can define the rest of our days. Of course, when faced with the unknown, most of us prefer to turn around and go back.-And well if you're Kacee you turn around and fight. Because, when you turn around and go back that means your giving up before the battle even begins. And no one wants to be a loser. ;)

Track-Track-Track

Every runner has excuses, but a champion never uses them
The upsides of wasting your high school experience on tracks.
-When people ask if you're doing something after school you can smile and say, "Yeah, I have track." Makes you feel all sportsy you know?
-It makes you WANT to be healthy. I eat better now, and take better care of myself. Because no one can run on a low calorie diet, without breakfast, or drinking soda... So my eating habits are better.
-Those days when your hair looks like crap, and your makeup just seems to smeer you know "Hey at least I have nice toned legs!" (Even if they do look a little manly.)
-Instead of sitting home eating just because I am bored I am out doing something healthy.
-Between all these track meets, and practices I'm bound to get tan. =D
-There is always new people to meet. Helps you make friends. The good kind too! Not the ones out doing drugs .

Track Meets + The Dance

This week has kinda been an interesting week.
As we all know last week during spring break I was sick that entire week. So, on Monday Gary said he didn't want me going to the varsity meet because I was sick. So, he said I could go to the junior varsity meet on Wednesday. (To be honest I was happy I wasn't going to the varsity meet because I don't think I'm that good.) So, my parents came to my meet on Wednesday and I just wanted to run the 800 meter and man I was really feeling the pressure with my parents coming. The race started, and I don't know what went over me! I just ran and ran and ran and before I knew it I was in first place and on the last 100 meters of my run. I picked up my speed and ran as fast as I could and before I knew it I was past the finish line and had taken first place. Besides the fact I tripped over the finish line and caught my self I thought I did pretty good. :D When I was all cooled off I walked up to my parents and they were so happy! My mom said that I was like 40 feet ahead of the girl in second place. GO ME! I ran 800meters in 2 minutes and 46 seconds. (My first time running it was 2 minutes and 53 seconds.)
So, because I ran so well on Wednesday it qualified me to run on varsity on Friday. (Yesterday) I got fourth place and was booted to run with the "big dogs". I cut two seconds off my time. Yaya me!
I also, would just like to point out that Jordan is an awsome friend! Not only while I was sick she brought me over soup, BUT she stayed yesterday to watch me run when she could have gone home earlier. Then, she tolerated me at the dance.
AND THE DANCE WAS SO MUCH FUN!!! I can't tell you why depending on who you are, BUT if you really want to know give me a call and I'll tell you. :D Cause, a guy that I really like was there are he was so sweet.

Sick+Grades+ugly hair

Okay, all spring break I've been sick. I haven't been running because my body hurts so bad I couldn't even stand. So, now I'm feeling a little better, but I don't energy. Not to mention I have a meet on Tuesday, and I really want to go to the meet but now I'm probably out of shape.
I'm already stressing about grades again. Metals class is killing me. I have a C-... I can't weld worth crap and the teacher is a hard grader. :( Seriously? If my dad were alive he would help me. :'(
Also, I got this awsome haircut right? Most of the time I walk out of the salon feeling ugly, but this time I didn't... it looked awsome! But then I showered, and it looks... less awsome... I can't get it to look like how the lady did it. So no cool! Not to mention I'm started to kinda like someone at our school and when you like someone you want to look cute but... well that's not happening for me. I never look cute! Mainly because most the time I just don't give a crap, and now that I do give a crap I look like crap.

No one expect my hair to look as awsome as it does in the pictures because I cant get it to look like that!!! :(

COMPLAINING TIME!

Okay listen up! I run around 2-3 miles five days a week AT LEAST! I eat healthy. I hardly ever let myself have candy, or anything way too salty. My metabolism is insanely high. Listen to what I eat.

Breakfast-Honey Bunches of Oats Cereal
Snack-usually that fat free yogurt with fruit in it, fruit, granola bars, muffins, or carrots and ranch
Lunch- which is usually what ever the lunch ladies serve
Snack- (same as snacks after breakfast)
Dinner-usually has salad in it, with a meat

Okay, so what I eat is insanely healthy! Now, lets talk about drinks. I have been off soda for two years! I drink water, and milk. WATER AND MILK!!! Then, in track and P.e. I give it my all and still i have belly fat. WHAT THE HECK! I do all the ab work outs!!!
Then, a while ago my family and I were doing P90X ab ripper and they gave up and I kept going. I did like three times what they did... The next day there abs were killing them and mine didn't even hurt!!! WHAT THE HECK!
stupid belly... Honestly, I don't deserve this! My whole life is track and eating healthy and choosing whats best for my health and this is how i am repaid?

UGH!!!

Sitting home.

Ugh now I remember why I hated sitting home so much. When I'm not doing something I watch TV but because katie is a TV hog I have to get on the computer, and then i do nothing. So, then i eat. Seriously. I'm like depressed now because of it... UGH!

A call from you...

(Not Suicidle just saw the pic and wanted to write.)

Sitting on the roof of that four story high
thinking about the pain, and life... it's a lie.
I hold my breath and close eyes letting gravity take it's part
It's time to end my life here, time to end this broken heart.

My mind is made I'm stepping off the edge and seconds before I do
I feel my cell phone buzzing in my pocket; It's a call from you.
I stare at my phone for a minute and decided this call would be my last
I held it up to ear... as my the tears they came fast

I told you what I planned to do, and told you the reason why
you begged me to wait for you, on the other line you started to cry.
A couple minutes later you were there... you told me I would see
You held me back from what I thought would be the end of me.