New Out Look On Life

I know I haven't posted in a while. Things have been so crazy. I have been running around like a chicken with my head cut off. Except for today, I am home sick. I have been home sick for a while and I am hating every second of it. I can't stand the fact that I am the thing holding me down. When I waste so much time trying to prove to people that nothing can hold me down. Then, When I get sick I am the person holding me down.
I discovered something this week. It goes against everything I believe in, and it's lamer then lame could be. I think if I got married I could possibly be happy. I was at Chris's house feeling like complete crap, and he was there to make me feel better. I was laying there with a head ache and he closed the blinds, got me a cold rag for my head, and some medicine. He got me hot chocolate for my sore throat, and offered to make me some tea. He made me food when I was hungry, and then put in a movie for me to watch. I fell asleep next to him, and woke up on his chest with his arms around me. He was asleep too. It was the best feeling in the world.
Now that I think about it, there is so much he does for me. He lets me wear what ever clothes of his that he wants, and does so much to impress me. He drove like forty five minutes just to bring me some hot chocolate and then stayed with me when I locked myself out of the house. At the Easter party I got mud all over my shoes, and he let me wear his and take his home.
I always thought that getting married would be horrible. I always imagined me cooking, cleaning, and making the man feel better, but this week I see other wise. I see it being a two way thing. Maybe other relationships may be the girl being the second human to man, but with Chris it's different. He is such a sweet heart!
I know I'm like way to young to be thinking about crap like this, and trust me I'm not letting it get to my head, but I do want to show the world that I do see the good things in life as well. I bet next week I'll go back to being against marriage. I'll hate it in every way shape or form and think all girls are freaks for looking forward to it, but today is different.

Life... Why me?

When I was innocent easy to sway,
you tore me down; I lost my way.
When I was hurting, ready to break,
you made me as if I was a mistake.
When I was eager and willing ready to try,
you pushed me down and made me cry.
When I was strong and nearly unstoppable,
you found my weakness and made it possible.
When I was bruised broken and sore,
you made the pain a whole lot more.
Now that I'm swollen, hurting and in pain,
there's not much hope left for you to drain.
Now that I've quit trying and stop wanting to soar,
I can't imagine a pain that would hurt more.
Now as I'm sitting forced in the sidelines of life,
my driven qualities are lost; failure stabs me like a knife.
As I see my friends succeeding in everything they do,
I feel a wave of hurt run through me in a form brand new.
While life was busy stepping on me,
It let everyone else run wild, crazy and free...

Epic Failure

Well I think I should change the quote on the top of my blog, because I just reversed it completely. Lately I have been so frustrated with myself. I give my all everyday at school, everyday at track, I try hard in competitions to win something, and yet I get nothing. Not even a "good job Kacee I'm proud of you!"... Does anyone know how frustrating that is?
I quit track. My all time favorite thing on the face of the planet, I just up and left. Why the heck would you quit something that means so much to you might you ask? Well because it doesn't make me happy anymore. I used to love running cross country and seeing myself improve, but no one really said good job. No one went out of their way to go to one race. It wasn't important enough to them. I wasn't important enough for them. All season long I decided I would try my hardest and try to get the other runners to accept me, and have the coaches tell me good job. I ran all freaking winter long and then when track season finally came I finally was starting to get accepted. I FINALLY got a good job from the coaches, and then we just up and moved... My cross country coach up here and my coach at my other school hated me. I wanted to prove to him that I could do it and then my hip injury ruined that. Then, I moved again and my track coach didn't even notice me, and when he did it was when I didn't do good at all. Plus it was like a whole start over with trying to get the team to accept me again.
I finally just got sick of it and told him I was quitting. I was crying and it was this huge mess! I don't know what to do. I want to run for fun, but I don't want to get out of high school and wish I did it you know?

I gave up... the opposite of what my quote at the top said.
Not to mention I might have aneurysms on my brain... Fantastic... That would explain why I have been coming home and sleeping so much, and getting head aches... The worst part is someone in our family just died of one, and my uncle had to get like six fixed through brain surgery... fan... freaking... tastic.