Let God Bless The Broken Road That Led Me Straight To You

Thought for today: I am thankful for my ex boyfriend Chris.


Yup. True story that one. If it weren't for him I wouldn't have probably found Brian. There is alot of mistakes I made when I was dating Chris and now I am recognizing them, and hopefully doing a better job at being a girlfriend to Brian by learning from my mistakes.


I got to hang out with Brian today. He is so awesome. Haha. He makes me not stress at all. Its SO nice.


Little Story:


I started calling Brian's house phone to talk to him because the area he lives in has bad cell service. Well oneday his dad walked in and asked who kept calling him He told his dad,


"oh that's Kacee." And his dad said,


"Well im going to save HIS number to our phone then."


So Brian called me laughing telling me that his dad thought I was a boy... I told him to let his dad know I was a girl and he said he didn't want to that it will be funny when he does find out. So, I talked to Brian on the phone today and he told me that he was telling his dad that he was going to give the stray cat he found to his ex girlfriend. I guess his dad asked him if he was dating his ex girlfriend again and Brian told him no. So his dad asked who he was dating now and he was like,


"I'm dating Kacee." Well I guess his dad asked who I was, and Brian told him the girl he thought was a guy. Haha. So, somehow out of that I got invited to Brians house for Christmas eve.... (which is also Brian's birthday.)





Haha... Yay... get to meet my boyfriends parents... [Little secret, I hate meeting my boyfriends parents. It's horrifying, but this time I'm going to be on my best behavior and keep my mouth glued shut]

New Years!

In case you were wondering, yes I do skip right over Christmas.
I LOVE NEW YEARS! It's like a not so new beginning! I love thinking of things to work on through out the year.
So... I need help deciding what to do.
So if anyone has new years resolutions that you are willing to share please post. I want to hear what everyone has to say.

horrible girlfriend.

I am an abusive girlfriend. I straved Brian, Made him freeze, bored him to death, and drive him to exhaustion. Who sucks at being a girlfriend? ME! I invited him to ashleys wedding but my mom told him not to come until later because she didnt want to run out of food. So, I told him to just come to the reception at seven... well.. turns out he has never been to a wedding before and that he didnt know there would only be cake at it, and he hates cake. So he was hungry the entire time. Then, there was no where for him to park so he had to walk around the entire hotel at thirty below and was freezing by the time he came inside... By the time he got there everyone was just sitting there and not dancing cause they were tired so he was probably extremely bored, and he was tired because he stayed up late playing video games and I kept him out til midnight.
I suck...
I'll give you wedding details later....

November 26

Tomorrow is the dead day of my dad a couple years ago... It is also going to be Ashley's wedding day. I am going to try so hard to be on my best behavior.
On the bright side Ashley invited Brian, and when I am around him it is like impossible to be sad.

I don't know how hard tomorrow is going to be. This is like the worst nightmare of my sisters and I, to get married and not have a dad walk you down the isle. I always imagined that if I get married I would have my only grandpa that I have ever known walk me down the isle, but he is no longer alive either.
Just my luck right.
Can I be honest about something? (Assuming that you said yes...) Since my grandpa died my entire family is making a huge deal about it. Our whole thanksgiving was dedicated to him. My grandma wants everyone at the funeral to say a memory about grandpa, and she is asking everyone to think of a song that reminds us of it. Everyone is making a big deal about it but don't get me wrong I loved my grandpa, but I guess you can say that i am extremely jealous. No one made a big deal about my dad dying. My sisters and I had to go through it alone. My mom freaking took a loan out on our car to fly down to Utah for his funeral. I mean what the heck... my dad was important too!
It just pisses me off.

There is no such thing as a best friend.

If you took a step back and looked at your life would the people you think were your friends still be your friends? Maybe that's why I like moving so much cause I makes life less disappointing. I can't imagine spending my whole life with a no sobest friend come to find out they really weren't after years of "friendship". I don't want to go back to Utah, yet I do. I know that everyone is going to be so different, but I still want to see them.
Maybe Brian was right, people are disposable.

continuing...

My mom, step dad, sisters and I walked into the room where my grandpa laid and everyone began to cry. Except for me. I watched as my mom held my grandpas hand and told him that grandma was going to kill him because he died before she got back. All I could do was stare at him. That wasn't MY grandpa. MY grandpa was not orange, and his teeth did not look like that either. We went back to the room and waited for my cousins aunt and uncle to get there. When they got there I walked them to the room where he was. On the way I explained to my cousin Mckade that grandpa is going to look a little yellow.
My Aunt Haley walked in first. She started sobbing so loud that the nurse's at the desk even looked up. She was crying so loud that my cousin Mckade just turned around and went back. He didn't want to see grandpa. My aunt began yelling for her husband to be in there with her. He went in and then my cousin Payton and Jen went in and I followed. Payton started crying so hard. I grabbed for her and she practically collapsed in my arms when she was crying. Her dad hugged her and she ran out of the room. All I did was stare at grandpa again and listened to my aunt cry. I kept wanting to tell grandpa so many things but I couldn't bring myself around to saying any of it. All I could do was stare. I covered his hand up with the sheet so that he wouldn't be cold... Like that mattered anymore. Finally I said,
"I love you grandpa, tell my dad I said hi." As I walked back to the other room I just felt tears fall from my eyes. By the time I walked back in the room my whole face was just wet with tears. We all sat there and my Uncle Daren said,
"I got to get home and clean up all the blood before grandma gets home." I sat there wondering blood? What blood? I thought he died peacefully with no pain!
...
We get back to Uncle Daren's house and he was sitting on grandpas bed with Aunt Haley. Uncle Daren had the Copenhagen he got for grandpa in his hand and said,
"I tried to do CPR but the blood just kept coming out! I couldn't get it to stop long enough for him to get a breath!" He began crying, and all I could do was stand there in horror wondering what the heck my grandpa went through...
We got home and I couldn't sleep at all. I went into the front room and there my mom laid wide awake her face red from crying. I sat next to her and she said,
"I don't know how you guys did this. I never knew losing your dad could give you such a horrible feeling inside! You guys got the raw end of the deal. I had my dad growing up, you guys didn't."
I just sat there hugging her. That's all I could do. I didn't know what to say.
...
Grandma flew home and went to see grandpa. Grandma is really sad. She said she doesn't know what to do anymore. She said she waited on him her entire life and now she has nothing to do with her time. She says she doesn't have to worry about cooking him dinner or calling him to tell her where she was at.
...

How he went...

"God saw you getting tired. When a cure was not to be,

He closed his arms around you and whispered, "Come to Me".

In tears we saw you sinking. We watched you fade away.

Our hearts were almost broken, you fought so hard to stay.

But when we saw you sleeping so peacefully free from pain,

We could not wish you back to suffer so again.

So keep your arms around him Lord, and give him special care.

Make up for all he suffered and all that seemed unfair."

-Memorial poems (Letting Go)

I was talking to my mom in the Kitchen when she got a phone call from my Aunt. She answered the phone listened and then scream "WHAT!" At first I thought someone had won a prize, then I saw her start to hyperventilate. Immediately I knew that grandpa was dead. He's been sick for a while. He was at the hospital the week before. Grandma was in Utah at the time because she was trying to fight the courts to pay for his medical bills. I watched my mom pace around the house, I watched her sob, and there was nothing I could do. Nothing I could say would stop her from crying. I know this from experience. All I knew to do was to let her cry it all out. I went and got my step dad and he came in and hugged her. She looked at him and said,

"Will you drive me to the hospital?" He nodded and I asked,

"Can I go mom?" and she said,

"We can all go."

We walked into the hospital and asked the lady at the front desk if the ambulance had arrived and she said that it hadn't yet. So we waited and watched as my sister and her fiancee and his daughter came. We waited while uncle Daren and christian arrived. Then finally they said that the ambulance arrived. They took us in the back room and asked his name and birthday. Then the nurse and the doctor walked in and said,

"I hate to be the barer of bad news, but Theron Whiting has passed." The whole started sobbing. Except for me. I hadn't really cried yet. I was more in shock. The doctor explained he had to get back to his rounds, but if we had any questions to let him know, and then he told us that the nurse would be helping us out. She asked,

"Was anyone with him when he passed?" Uncle Daren who seemed like he was just breaking inside said,

"I was." She asked him what happened... He said,

"Well he was doing fine. He was a little weak so I helped him to his bed, and then I made him some soup. After I made him some soup he asked me to go to the store to get some Copenhagen. I wasn't even gone five minutes and I left my boy with him. (He was crying now.) I got home and said dad I go your Copenhagen and then I herd a gurgling noise. I ran in there and he was unresponsive. I ripped him off the bed and onto the floor and tried to start CPR and then I yelled for my boy to call 911." She asked us where his wife was and Uncle Daren said,

"She is in Utah." Then my mom said,

"He was just in here the other day! The doctor told me that he would be fine and that I didn't need to have his wife come home. So, I told her to stay!"

She then explained to him that he did everything right. She assured that grandpa died a quick painless death. (I sat there wondering if they say that to everyone because they told me that when my dad died too. I worked though. I was happy to know dad didn't suffer.) The nurse walked out and Uncle Daren started sobbing and said,

"I promise you guys I did everything I could." We all told him we knew that and that he was so good to grandpa these last few weeks while grandma was gone... Then he said,

"Oh mom!" and everyone in the room started sobbing, but me. It still had not hit me yet. Then the nurse walked in and said that if we wanted to we could go see grandpa and say our good bye's.

... um... I continue later.