I did it.

I quit track this morning. I thought I wouldnt be able to but I did. I thought I would feel bad about it, but I don't I feel like I'm starting to finally try to figure all this stress stuff out.
I also got an award of participation for it. baha. yay

Changes

I've been doing alot of thinking about life lately and I've decided that I need to adjust my life so that I am happy with it. I have been thinking long and hard and I have decided that I am going to do alot of things differently.
1.) I'm going to quit my job in the cafe. It's not a bad job, but it's kinda a waste of my time. I work SO HARD and only get paid minimum wage. I need to find a job that I enjoy going to. Plus, during the school year it's a pain when I have homework that needs done and I have to go to work instead.
2.) I'm going to quit the track team. I just can't do it. My body keeps having weird things happen to it. My hips last year, my passing out, my liver and kidney failing (some weird muscle disease), and now my bone is bruised on my foot. I think something is telling me that I should just not do it. Running is supposed to be my stress relief, therefore that's what it is going to be from now on.
3.) I'm going to buy myself an expensive and nice camera. I have always wanted to be artistic and I have always loved to take pictures. I need a fun hobby. Also, next year I am going to take a photography class so that I can learn to properly use it. (Oh the wonders of going to a technical school.)
4.) I'm going to party it up at boy scouts camp this summer. I got the job again, and I plan to make the best of it. I want to take pictures by the lake, go running on the trails, learn to carve wood with a knife and learn all the boy scout knots.
5.) I'm going to earn enough money this summer that I don't have to pay car insurance all year. This will alow me to not have a job during school so that I can focus of school and friends.
6.) I am going to determine if going into the health field is for me or not. I keep bouncing. I want to be in the health field, work on cars, weld and this sounds weird but I have always wanted to work in a zoo. Lol.
7.) I am going to lift more weights. I just want to be healthy and my body wont let me run so I might as well try to lift weights.
8.) I am going to work on relationships between my friends, boyfriend and family.
9.) I want to try new things and be open to new things.

Please hope that I can do all of these. I need to figure this whole depression thing out.

People Issues

I guess lately you can say that I have been doing a lot better trying to socialize with people, but I'm starting to learn that maybe sometimes being secluded from the world isn't such a bad thing after all. I'm learning that people are always searching for the bad in each other. They always measure each other up and try to find flaws. I have not heard one person say one nice thing about someone else, and that just irritates me very badly. No wonder suicide rates just keep going up, it's because the entire human race is just a bunch of ass holes. 

I'm not saying that people have said bad things about me because they haven't. (At least from what I have heard) But I'm just so sick of every one being so rude to each other, and expecting the worst out of each other.

Interesting Summer Already

So, I was on a date with Brian the other day, and we were sitting in his car. We were just about to get out to walk into the movies when my phone started ringing. I looked at my phone and it was from a number that I didn't recognize. Normally I don't answer phone calls to numbers that I didn't know, but I did for some odd reason. It was my former employer from working with the boy scouts. He asked me if I planned on working with them this summer. He said that he thinks that I am good at what I do and that he would really like to have me back this year. I didn't plan on doing it again. I didn't want to get stuck spending an entire month out of the year with my ex boyfriend at camp. It just didn't sound like fun, but I told him that I would like the job. I have this issue where I can't say no to my employers because they pay me money.
So, I have spent a long time thinking about camp and I decided that it doesn't have to completely suck! I mean I could make it fun. If I just relax a little this year and plan well ahead when my classes start I could have a extremely fun time. So, I started to get super excited to go when I then got a text from my ex boyfriend. He said we should forget everything that happened in the past. (Which made me laugh at his text because HE is the one that has been pestering ME since HE broke up with ME.I thought it was funny that he felt the need to say that to me since he was the one that just kept coming back.) So, I don't know how this summer is going to go. I really need to sit Brian down and see how he really feels about me going to camp where my ex boyfriend will be. I don't want him to have to worry you know? He knows I would never cheat on him, but there is still room to worry.
On another bright side, I'll be closer to Brian at camp then I will be where I live since we live so far away. The camp is right by his house, so maybe on weekends when I am heading back to town I can drop by and say hi to him. Which will be awesome. :D
I just hope that I get the exact same job. If THEY call ME and ask me to work for them does that mean I already have the job? If I am them if I am applying for the same position does that mean they will give it to me? I sure hope I get the same position just because it's a manager position and I feel that I can do a better job this summer.
I don't know. I think WAY too much. I just hope that I can have a fun summer to make up for such a shitty year.

Issues with Facebook Pictures

Today I am so sore! My mom and I are going to call my doctor and see about getting a blood test just to make sure I'm not going to go into what I had.
ANYWAYS...
I would just like to point out that people who listen to their head phones super loud are completely defeating the purpose of what head phones are for. I mean honestly if I can head the music that is being put directly into THEIR ears we have a problem. I just feel bad because all these students will be deaf by the time they are thirty. Sad day.
Also, Face book pictures sometimes drive me crazy.
 If you're going to take a picture of yourself in your bathroom or bedroom at least make an effort to make it look clean. Also whats the point of uploading one hundred of that same pictures on your face book? Most of them look almost exactly the same. Just because your looking a different direction in the picture doesn't mean that you should upload both of them.
Also girls, that thing you do with your lips in all your pictures... ITS NOT CUTE! It looks like you have something sour in your mouth, and no you don't look sexy you look like a freaking duck. You know what else? The pictures of you guys in your sports bras is unnecessary. Your friends know if you work out or not. You're fake athletic picture isn't fooling any body.
Guys, if you don't have abs please don't upload pictures of you without your shirt on, and if you do have abs it just makes you look cocky and desperate. Keep your shirts on. Also, what the heck is up with you guys taking pictures of you shoving your hands down your pants? That's not attractive. It's gross. Why would you even think something like that was something other people would want to see? I don't understand especially when it's low enough that we can see your pubic hairs. I'm so grossed out I don't even know what to say about that.
Couples, man you guys sure are cute, but all the make out pictures are just disgusting. The world doesn't need to see you guys making out. Haven't you ever head the phrase "Get a room?"

Bleh.

I'm sitting in my English class right now. I finished what I needed to get done. I sometimes laugh at myself because I am by far the biggest nerd in this school. I do homework during lunch, I got above and beyond what is expected of me, and I care way too much about the small things. If I didn't do my hair and make up you would put me in the typical nerd stereotype. My cousin Payton and I were having a sleep over one time and I got ready for bed. I took out my contacts and put my glasses on, brushed my teeth and put my retainers in, washed my face and put medicine on my face to prevent any acne, and then I sat down next to her and pulled out a book I was reading. She turned and looked at me and busted up laughing. She told me that I am super gorgeous but I just use that to hide how big of a nerd I am. It's kinda funny I guess if you think about it, but just sitting here being done while everyone else is goofing around on the Internet made me think about it.
I'm scared for track today. Instantly after I stopped running yesterday my legs went into ache mode. I don't want to ruin my help.
Wish me luck. 

Nothing right. Everything wrong.

I went to practice today for the first time since my health scare. I'm kinda depressed right now. I suck. I'm so slow and my legs just burn all the time. My doctors, family, and coaches are all telling me to take it slow. Running isn't exactly a slow sport. I'm frustrated. It seems like nothing comes easy for me.
Running is my get away! I need running to be keep myself sane. I just hope I'll be able to over come this. I just don't know what to do with myself anymore. I have always thought of myself as the tough one, but I am realizing lately that I am a whole lot more dependent then I thought I was.