This entire time since I've been back in Utah I've wanted to go back to Alaska. Right? We've all seen it! You've all herd me complain. So, guess what! I'm going back... Finally!
I should be happy... right? RIGHT!?
I told Randy from the very beginning this was a bad idea. I TOLD HIM! I told him everything good for me eventually comes to an end. Something would come between us. Surprise... surprise.. I was right. I told him I couldn't like him. I told him I shouldn't go out with him especially since summer was coming. Why didn't I listen to myself? Probably because he's so darn cute... grr...
The 24th is a thing called Mona days... I guess there is a talent show, games, fireworks, and a dance. Randy is hopefully coming... That will probably be the last time I see him for a very VERY long time. :'( And this hurts! It's not the me going away that hurts...
- It's the times when I'm upset and he asks me what's wrong and actually listens. He doesn't tell me what to do to fix it. He just listens and says. "I'm sorry love."
- It's when at school when I had my last class with him I had something to look forward to everyday.
- It's the times when he hugs me and everything bad is forgotten for those couple seconds when he has his arms around me.
- It's when I look like crap and he tells me I look cute, beautiful, or gorgeous. Not sexy or hot.
- It's when he goes out of his way just to call me at night, or see me even for five minutes. Just him going out of his way means everything.
- It's when he knows just what to say.
- It's the good morning love texts I get in the morning that start my day off great.
- It's the anticipating the replies I get from his text messages.
- It's the way he opens doors for me, or during school when I went to take my jacket off and I threw my back pack on the floor he'd pick it up and carry it for me. He respects me.
- It's the way he shyly asks to hold my hand so it's a choice for me, and I'm not being forced.
- It's the sincere actions and things he says that I know ... I wont ever get again...
It's everything he's every done that makes me feel like someone cares about me... BUT that's not the only reasons why I don't want to go.
- It's the thought that he is a sweet guy, and he will be going to school with a bunch of girls that were all over him even when him and I were together, and them knowing I'm gone having it be worse.
- It's the thought of him hugging other girls... and I wont get that anymore.
- It's the thought that even if we do stay together... he could cheat on me... and I would never know... and I would waste my high school dating experience staying faithful to one guy who lives over 5,000 miles away who cheated on me.
- It's the thought that if we do break up... he will find someone better. And they will stay together forever... and he wont want anyone else... and I'll never get my Randy back.
- It's every time he hangs out with girls... I get jealous... and get a sick feeling to my stomach...
- It's the pictures I'm going to see of him and his new friends... and how gorgeous they all are.
- It's the worry that the best thing that has ever happened to me will be taken away by some stupid Utah girl in short shorts and a fake attitude.
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