SuMmEr TiMe!

Hey everyone,
I am sorry I haven't posted in a long time, things have been crazy with finals and school. I am sitting here on summer break wondering how the heck I survived all the crap! I was so stressed and school burnt out it wasn't even funny. Needless to say, summer has been great to me!
I've been four wheeling, swimming in a freezing cold lake, had BBQ's, had a bunch of sleep overs with my crazy little cousin Payton, AND GUESS WHAT?!!? I started cross country again and it doesn't feel like a chore again! It's the best feeling in the world! I love it when running feels so good.
Also I got a ssummer job! Its at a boy scouts camp, and Chris had worked there for a couple years before. I was really hoping to get the job because it's outside and I wouldn't be stuck home all summer. Plus they provide cabins to stay in durning the week. Anyways, I went to the interview and after I knew I was NOT going to get the job. All my answers made no sense and I left the interviewers wondering what the heck I had just said. haha. Then, Chris told me the our boss said I got the job as a hand craft director and I was super excited. Chris said he has been working there for like three years and he doesn't even have a job that high, plus when he first started he only got paid 110 dollars and my first time on the job I get paid 200 dollars. I'm super excited. My boss is friends with my sister Ashley and she said she could tell I was nervous because I had been scratching my neck before the interview and there was a big red spot.... embarrassing... She said I have one of the hardest jobs and Ashley assured her that I could do it, and she also let them know I would be nervous throughout the whole job, but that I would get the job done right.
It's going to fun I hope!
Sorry again for not posting in a long time!

New Out Look On Life

I know I haven't posted in a while. Things have been so crazy. I have been running around like a chicken with my head cut off. Except for today, I am home sick. I have been home sick for a while and I am hating every second of it. I can't stand the fact that I am the thing holding me down. When I waste so much time trying to prove to people that nothing can hold me down. Then, When I get sick I am the person holding me down.
I discovered something this week. It goes against everything I believe in, and it's lamer then lame could be. I think if I got married I could possibly be happy. I was at Chris's house feeling like complete crap, and he was there to make me feel better. I was laying there with a head ache and he closed the blinds, got me a cold rag for my head, and some medicine. He got me hot chocolate for my sore throat, and offered to make me some tea. He made me food when I was hungry, and then put in a movie for me to watch. I fell asleep next to him, and woke up on his chest with his arms around me. He was asleep too. It was the best feeling in the world.
Now that I think about it, there is so much he does for me. He lets me wear what ever clothes of his that he wants, and does so much to impress me. He drove like forty five minutes just to bring me some hot chocolate and then stayed with me when I locked myself out of the house. At the Easter party I got mud all over my shoes, and he let me wear his and take his home.
I always thought that getting married would be horrible. I always imagined me cooking, cleaning, and making the man feel better, but this week I see other wise. I see it being a two way thing. Maybe other relationships may be the girl being the second human to man, but with Chris it's different. He is such a sweet heart!
I know I'm like way to young to be thinking about crap like this, and trust me I'm not letting it get to my head, but I do want to show the world that I do see the good things in life as well. I bet next week I'll go back to being against marriage. I'll hate it in every way shape or form and think all girls are freaks for looking forward to it, but today is different.

Life... Why me?

When I was innocent easy to sway,
you tore me down; I lost my way.
When I was hurting, ready to break,
you made me as if I was a mistake.
When I was eager and willing ready to try,
you pushed me down and made me cry.
When I was strong and nearly unstoppable,
you found my weakness and made it possible.
When I was bruised broken and sore,
you made the pain a whole lot more.
Now that I'm swollen, hurting and in pain,
there's not much hope left for you to drain.
Now that I've quit trying and stop wanting to soar,
I can't imagine a pain that would hurt more.
Now as I'm sitting forced in the sidelines of life,
my driven qualities are lost; failure stabs me like a knife.
As I see my friends succeeding in everything they do,
I feel a wave of hurt run through me in a form brand new.
While life was busy stepping on me,
It let everyone else run wild, crazy and free...

Epic Failure

Well I think I should change the quote on the top of my blog, because I just reversed it completely. Lately I have been so frustrated with myself. I give my all everyday at school, everyday at track, I try hard in competitions to win something, and yet I get nothing. Not even a "good job Kacee I'm proud of you!"... Does anyone know how frustrating that is?
I quit track. My all time favorite thing on the face of the planet, I just up and left. Why the heck would you quit something that means so much to you might you ask? Well because it doesn't make me happy anymore. I used to love running cross country and seeing myself improve, but no one really said good job. No one went out of their way to go to one race. It wasn't important enough to them. I wasn't important enough for them. All season long I decided I would try my hardest and try to get the other runners to accept me, and have the coaches tell me good job. I ran all freaking winter long and then when track season finally came I finally was starting to get accepted. I FINALLY got a good job from the coaches, and then we just up and moved... My cross country coach up here and my coach at my other school hated me. I wanted to prove to him that I could do it and then my hip injury ruined that. Then, I moved again and my track coach didn't even notice me, and when he did it was when I didn't do good at all. Plus it was like a whole start over with trying to get the team to accept me again.
I finally just got sick of it and told him I was quitting. I was crying and it was this huge mess! I don't know what to do. I want to run for fun, but I don't want to get out of high school and wish I did it you know?

I gave up... the opposite of what my quote at the top said.
Not to mention I might have aneurysms on my brain... Fantastic... That would explain why I have been coming home and sleeping so much, and getting head aches... The worst part is someone in our family just died of one, and my uncle had to get like six fixed through brain surgery... fan... freaking... tastic.

Spring Breaks Over

Spring break is over and I have school tomorrow. The vacation was so nice that getting back into my routine is going to be so hard. I am so burnt out. Then, track is starting offically and I am ready to quit. I don't have enough time in the day or energy to do both. It's so exhausting. Especially when these things don't come as talent for me like they do for other people.
I'm going to need a lot of motivation.

Why I hate family time...

Today would have been an awesome day. We went to the dog sled races, and Chris showed up. It was warm outside. Then my sisters open their freaking mouths. They go on about how they hope I have ten kids. The first set being twins. They hope my first time around I'll get pregnant. ITS NOT FUNNY! That isn't something you joke around with me at. I hate kids. I don't want them and they know that. I don't make fun of them nearly as much as they make funny of me.
DON'T SAY THAT'S WHAT SIBLINGS DO CAUSE ITS NOT!
When I turn eighteen I'm up and leaving so I don't have to deal with this crap anymore. Just because I'm a freaking girl doesn't mean that I have to like or even have kids. It's not my purpose in life.
DON'T SAY I WILL CHANGE MY MIND WHEN I GET OLDER CAUSE THAT WILL JUST PISS ME OFF!
The more people say I will do something the more I wont do it. After they were making fun of me in front of a huge group of people I finally stop them by saying well if that does happen I'll just get an abortion.
YEAH WHAT NOW SUCKERS!
I'm not kidding either. Then when we get home my mom freaking gets mad at me for saying that. What just because you don't approve of it then its wrong? She said it offends people. YOU KNOW WHAT! PEOPLE WALK RIGHT UP TO ME AND TELL ME MY DAD IS ROTTING IN HELL BECAUSE HE DIDN'T GO TO CHURCH! WASN'T THAT OFFENDING?
PEOPLE TELL ME I AM STUPID AND NEED THERAPY?! ISN'T THAT OFFENDING?
PEOPLE TELL ME THEIR RELIGION AND THAT I SHOULD REALLY GO TO CHURCH! THAT IS OFFENDING!
WHY IN THE HECK DO I HAVE TO WATCH MY MOUTH WHEN EVERYONE ELSE DOESN'T!?!?!?
Telling me all I am good for is having kids is offending. I hate kids.
I hate family time.
I hate love.
I hate marriage.
I hate society.
I hate when people shove their religion in my face.
I hate it all.
If I don't like it I'll say so.
If my opinions offends you then leave me open to say them. I would have never said that if people didn't bring it up.

Date with Chris =D

Chris and I went snowboarding yesterday! It was so much fun! It was warm outside so we were boarding in sweat shirts which is always nice. The mountain wasn't packed so we didn't have to dodge people. He did show off boy tricks while I practiced my "S" turns. In the picture on the left we were sitting in the lodge because he was hungry. So he ate while I took pictures. :D
I think it was our best date yet! Plus, I have strengthened my hips since last time so they didn't hurt at all! Other wise I would have not practiced my "S"turns at all! One time while I was going down I hit like a snowy pot hole and my board stopped but I didn't. Haha. I did a couple front summer salts. It was so embarrassing and Chris saw the entire thing!
On the right is a picture of Chris holding our snow boards. It's my favorite picture of him so far. It should be his senior picture for school or something. Lol. It's THAT good. Lol. In my mind. In that picture we were waiting for the bus to take us to the top of the mountain instead of a ski lift.
:D
While we were going down the mountain Chris told me I was doing so good. (Talking about my snowboarding skills.) Little does he know I am better then that, but I don't want to push it with my hip problems and doing track. But he doesn't know that he has only seen me board the basic crap, but the complement felt good. :D It wasn't the way I look complements. It was an honest one. I'm NOT into lame girly like complements, I'm into lame Kacee like complements. Lol. I JUST LIKED IT OKAY! I'M STUPID I KNOW!
After we went snow boarding we went to Barnes and Noble and he bought us hot chocolate. Haha. He knows me so well! After we went to his house had dinner and played the WII.
It was a great date. :D