Coming to terms

Isn't it funny how you can be in the worst mood and not even know why? You're upset and want to cry and you don't even know why... Then, when someone asks whats wrong while you're trying to explain it to them you find out the real reason why? That happened to me.

I was rewriting my metals notes they were such a mess and it was bothering me... (Yes, I know neat freak syndrome...) The teacher in that class talks so fast I don''t have enough time to write it all down. He covers the topics so fast that I can't keep up. I've been getting 15/20 on these stupid quizzes he makes us take every morning and that bothers me al ot... more then any of you will even understand.
Jared texted me asking whats up... On normal circumstances I would say nothing but Jared still likes me. He would be like what ever you have to be doing something! He has to know every detail of everything I am doing ever second of the day. So, I told him in detail.

"I'm rewriting my metals notes because they are messy and everywhere." Then, he said

"Fun!" I don't know what went over me... I said,

"NO! It's not fun! It's the most stupidest class on the face of the planet!" and he said,

":( be happy plz, Calm down. Its just a class." I said,

"To you yeah! Because you don't care! I care! This was my dad's job Jared! It was what he loved to do he died doing it! If I don't do good in this class I wont forgive myself."

...

That's when I realized something. My woods class was just as hard... I worried about that class but not nearly as much as this class... Failing wasn't something that was bothering me... It was that I can't let my dad down. I have to do a good job because my dad was a self taught welder and I am his daughter. It's hard...

You know since he has been dead I didn't really come to terms, but now that I am reminded of him its like an old scar re opened again...