Yesterday. Scariest day of my life... Almost.

Yesterday, I was sitting in Earth Systems. A.K.A. a class all about saving the planet, but instead taking that class we just kill off all the trees with all the papers and assignments we get.
While we were working hard on talking about saving pollution we were taking stupid worthless notes. Caleb who sits right next to me got a bloody nose. He went to the bathroom, and when he came back he looked like a zombie. His eyes were all weird, and lots of people said his face was green. Everyone was asking him if he was all right. Finally, he said,
"I don't feel good." All the sudden he passed out. He fell backwards, and his back was arched over the bar. His face was really only were I could see his eyes. He was breathing hard and his eyes looked like he was having a seizure!
... Sadly enough I just sat there and stared. My eyes were starting to go black. I just couldn't get myself to breathe or blink. I was going to pass out too! I have a weak stomache, and can't handle trama very well. Two thoughts were screaming at me. The first... HE IS GOING TO DIE!!! Then, the second... GET HELP KACEE YOUR STUPID DON'T JUST SIT THERE GET MR. NEILSON! I finally somehow got myself to jump up from the seat and bolt out the door. I yelled,
"I'm going to get Mr. Neilson!" I herd someone running behind me. I yelled in Mr. Neilson's room,
"Mr. Neilson Caleb is having a seizure!!!" He stopped what he was doing and came running after. He said,
"Where is he?"
I said,
"Mr. Winn's room!" I got into the class and saw Mr. Winn helping Caleb sit up. I think I sat down. To be honest. I don't remember my eyes were so black. I don't think I blinked that entire time! They got Caleb up and I gathered his stuff along with Kennedy and she took his back pack into the office. We all just sat there in shock for who knows how long. Mr. Winn finished his lesson. I finished my paper even though I could barley write. He said he was still shaking.
In math I could barley concentrate. I was shaking. I'm pretty sure it was a form of shock. After that class Mr. Neilson caught me in the hall way and made sure I was okay. He said that I looked scared still. He told me Caleb was okay and that he had also passed out in the bathroom, and that he thought it was all from him not eating.
I finally got into a normal feeling but then in 7th hour I got really sick. Dizzy and sick to my stomache. I skipped track and went home. I slept for 3 hours and then went with my mom to get food. She said I was still in shock. All night last night I couldn't sleep. Once my breathing slowed down for sleeping I would gasp for air. I kept replaying him in my head. My mom had to give me a sleeping pill...

Stupid Kacee. He is fine. Why were you in shock for so long?

The Accomplice.

If it were closer to the time he died... I would have switched out of that class in an instant. But since it has been two years on November 26 I just rolled with the punches.
Sitting in Welding class my first day, and I already shed not-so silent tears. You see, we had to read bibliographies on welders who were succesful. I was already have issues sitting in a class learning about my dad's career. I had flash back of sitting with him in my grandpa's old shop wearing the goofy helmet that was way to big for me. He told me not to look at the pretty light because he didn't want my beautiful blue eyes to go blind. I looked at the light anyways. I remember helping him clean up. It was fun! The career that eventually it killed him.
In one of the bibliography's it talked about how one welder took over his dad's career after his dad died when he was twenty tears old. I had it. I flipped to a different random page and in big bold letters it said, "Head Protection". A clamp hit him in the back of his head and killed him. I had another not-so blast from the past when I was staring into his casket and he looked so different. He didn't move. He looked like an elf with a disformed swollen face. What ever was in that casket wasn't my daddy. I couldn't take it. Tears were coming from my eyes. I tried not to bilnk. I stared. I took short breaths. I tried thinking about other things, but they just kept coming... I wiped my face with the back of my hand. Sniffled and as they tears came I touched then dry in the corner of my eye.... Unfortunately, the kid next to me noticed. I couldn't help it.
I finished reading the bibliographies and then the substitute teacher and a student were talking about art. How welding can be an art. A stranger at my daddy's funeral told me that my dad was an artist. I thought back to the book ends he made for me right before he died. They were metal book ends of horses. They were gorgeous.
I wanted to burst out crying but I didn't. I'm not switching out of that class. I want my dad to look down on me and think "that's my little girl doing what I loved to do." His little accomplice.

TIME

Funny, how time seems to plan things. It puts things in a time frame... like a treasure map. It shows you what you want most, and then writes it in; a set course. At first, you're not sure if you want it. Then, in all your deciding a need occures. You need it. So, you pull out your treasure map and start on your journey. As you study your map and then you realize strings are attached. Puzzles. Bumps in the road. Isn't it great... but a tad bit sucky how every single time; time beats you?
Time doesn't only set things in a time frame, but uses you... against you. I normally could live without my set course. But I formed myself a cage... I trapped myself. CRAP! What am I to do? Hmmm...
Thanking, but hating time... Here we go again.

Number 13...

Okay so the kid looking at the camera is over six feet tall. At the game I was practically drooling over him!!!

Then, I asked this kid to take a picture of him. I guess his name is Sean Gibson. He took a picture and deleted it. I was so mad!!! He was like,

"If I take one and give it to you then what do I get out of this?" I said,

"A dollar?" He was like,

"No." I said,

"Two dollars?" Then, he got this one. I begged him to keep it! He was like

"So how am I going to get it to you? " I said,

"You'll figure it out." He was like,

"Do you have a facebook?" I told him I did.

The next day he added me to facebook. Then, today he started talking to me and I begged him to give me the picture, and he did.

I showed my mom the picture and guess what she did!!!

MY MOM looked him up on google. His name is Mark and then searched him on facebook and added him for me. Haha

I taught her well.

Guitar? Me? NAW!

I went and hung out with Jereme and Matt a couple days ago. It was fun watching them jam out on the guitar, base, and drums. They offered to teach me, and I said no. I couldn't picture me playing guitar. Haha.
At Katie's birthday party they brought out the guitar and it was left out until the next morning. I picked it up and decided to try it out. I looked up guitar tabs to "Hey there Delilah" and messed around. I kinda got the hang of it.
Katie gave me her guitar and I got the whole song down! Except this one chord and that bothers me. So, needless to say my fingers are getting blisters, and I'm waiting for school to start on Tuesday so my friends can show me a thing or two.

1.9.10

Today and yesterday was pretty fun. I went to Megan's house and we went to Jared's concert thing together. Kade was with us so I hung out with Rachelle.
Rachelle, and I took Rachelle's dad's keys and unlocked the auditorium upstairs. There is a big stage with props and stuff. We turned off the lights put blue lights on and plugged my phone into the sound system and did interpretive dancing to the song "Fireflies" by Owl City. I was pretty fun in my opinion.
The concert was fun but way too loud for my taste. My ears were burning.
What makes me angry is "Shelly" warned Jared not to talk to her. Rachelle said Shelly went and told him to not talk to her. She makes me so angry. She WAS flirting with him. He even admitted she was. Friends don't do that to each other. She promised me and broke that promise. Friends don't do that to each other, and I refuse to forgive her with out an apology. Sure, I broke up with him but friends are not supposed to ever flirt with another friends Ex boyfriend. I'm so upset with her.
The concert night was over we went back to Megan's house and fell asleep. We woke up at about 10:00am and had honey bunches of oats for breakfast. Then, we did our hair and by then it was lunch time so we went to Reed's and ate. Then, I fell asleep on her couch until my mom picked me up.
Then, I got back to my house and invited Jordan over. We had dinner and played the wii. It was fun.

Don't Want To Be A Princess

I don't want to be a princess who stands weak at the knee
waiting for my prince charming to come and rescue me.
I don't want to depend on one person to always treat me right
because one day we'll far apart and he wont hold me tight.
I don't want to depend on one person for the rest of my life,
never will I want to be a princess, queen, or wife.
I don't want to be another girl in a wedding dress on a special day,
because its just one day, and that feeling will fade away.
I don't want to live my life waiting for the perfect guy
why do girls even set their expectations so high?
I don't want to be another statistic never will I play that part,
because never will I want to be a girl with a broken heart.

January 7, 2010 Hurt with a smile on my face.

Today was... good, but also quite bad. Yesterday, during my shop class I had to go to the eye doctor. My friend lets call her Shelly talked about how her and Jared were messing around and having a great time in that class. I was a little bothered but I got over it until today. I went into shop class and there she was one of my best friends flirting with my ex boyfriend. We've only been broken up for like what 2 days?
She followed him around, and tried to make conversation with him, and acted the way she does when she flirts. I was so annoyed. I tried sweeping and other stuff to get my mind off of it but I was way too angry! Finally, he walked away and I said,
"Well, why don't you just date him then?" and she said,
"I'm not flirting with him." I said,
"Yes, you were. I would never flirt with one of your ex boyfriends. Never." She just stood there quiet. I was so upset I just left the shop and sat in the class room. Of course, when I left she went back to flirting. Urghh.
It's okay if Jared flirts because I broke up with him. He gets the right, but it's not okay for Shelly. Shelly promised me she would never take any of my boyfriends or flirt with any of my ex boyfriends because she thought it wasn't right. Yeah, right. There was even an incident when another one of our friends went out with her ex boyfriend. She was so crush ed and mad. Thanks. A lot. For doing that to me.
Then, after class Jared came up and started to talk to me. I was way too upset to say anything. Then, he texted me saying,
"Whats wroing?" I said,
"I bet you could figure it out..." He said,
"Was it that Shelly was trying to flirt with me?" I said,
"Yeah." Then, he said,
"Thats not right. She shouldn't do that."
In with the positive out with the negative.

So, today I tried to get Rachelle to go running with me. She said she would tomorrow, and I told her today would be better but she still didn't. So, I went into my shop class to make up some absences and was cleaning the chairs. Then, all the sudden the kid Rachelle likes walks into the class and was talking to me. I gave him like one word answers because he's Rachelle's property. All the sudden when we were talking he took off his sweat shirt and his shirt stuck to it. He didn't realize that until it shirt was completely off. He screamed and jokes around trying to hide himself. Then, he started laughing and put his shirt back on. Haha. It was funny. Then, after I left and called her telling her that she could have seen him with his shirt off, but because she didn't go with me she didn't get to. lol

My abs in progress are coming along great. By progress I mean I still have a belly. lol. By great I mean I haven't stopped working out since the years started. Hey! I think that's a record!

January 6, 2010

Well my New Years resolution is to get abs. Same as last year, but hopefully I'll succeed this time. Haha. I suck. Today, I ran 20 minutes on the track. Yes, I can now run a good 20 minutes none stop! Proud anyone? I sure am. :D Then, I came home and did a 6 minute warm up on my wii for my biggest loser game. Then, it told me today was full body work out day. So, I did. It was 28 freaking minutes long. Needless say, as long as I'm playing this game I will be sore every day. I just need to stop complaining. Haha.
Challenge for tomorrow: Instead of sugary snacks have a salad or a banana.
That's what the wii told me to do anyways. I'm going to do it!
Anyways, I have been trying to be nice lately haha. It's not working. I mean if your going to straight up lie to my face you better expect some serious straight forwardness. Wondering what I am talking about? Today while I was running the track with Jordan after school there were two girls running. (I'm giving them fake names so I don't get myself in trouble.) Taymen, and Harley. They were walking when we got in there. Then, we started running and so did they. After like 30 seconds they would stop. They really only ran 5 minutes the whole 20 minutes I was in there.
Then, we got into the locker rooms and they came up to Jordan and I and Taymen said,
"Today is our first day running and we ran an hour straight!" Then, Harley said,
"Well we walked a little too." Taymen said,
"Yeah like five minutes." Harley,
"More than that." Taymen,
"Okay, like ten." I cut in and said,
"Looks to me like you did more walking then running." They both gave me the meanest looks! First of all they didn't need to lie to my face. Second of all why would I care how much they ran? Jordan probably thinks I'm such a brat haha. I am. They needed to hear that. Or well... At least I think so. Ugh, I'm bothered now.

Today, I went to an eye doctor because every time I put my contacts in I get a vein in my eye that pops out. I wake up with sore eyes, and Katie says I sleep with my eyes open. I get head aches a lot, and my eyes are really dry. He looked in my eyes and told me that my eyes don't make enough tears to keep my eye wet. So he gave me a crap load of eye drops. I have to massage my eyes every night to open up the glands and put gel in my eyes. Interesting, huh?

Well, I guess I better go get ready for school tomorrow. That or clean my room haha. (Like you guys care haha!)

January 5, 2010

I did it. I broke up with him. I did it pretty nicely I think. I told him I had feelings for him, but not like anything I used to have. We used to be so happy but I don't know what happened. I used to be happy. I broke up with him last night he seemed like he was crying, and took it pretty hard.

This morning, He came up to give me a high five, and walked to me all my classes. He asked me to eat with him too. Apparently he doesn't get what breaking up means. I said I wanted to be friends but I guess we have different definitions of friends.

2010 And Ready For A New Year

Its 2010 and I want a New Year. Can I try again? Start over and make it start off great? Please! Something happened over spring break. I saw Katie go on her first date. I saw her drool over a boy, and having her not be able to sleep because she was lost in her own dreams about a boy she didn't even know. Then, I watched her be upset, because he never texted her after their date.
My sister Ashley is moving halfway across the United States just because of a crush she has on a boy she doesn't even know!
Now, Don't get me wrong... I love Jared, he texts and calls me all the time. He is there for me and makes everything seem okay. But it seems I love him in more of a friendly way. It's gone. The feelings are there but not enough to stay with him.
I see my friends drooling over boys. I see them have heart break and I see their faces light up when something happens, and I see them joke around when something doesn't happen. I see them glowing and in pain.
Then, I got thinking... Am I wasting my highschool expirience on one boy? I would think so. Jared plans for us to be together... and married forever. Married? Forever! No! No! No! No! NO! Im fifteen years old! That's ugh no! Think about it girls... Stuck with the same boy since you were fifteen years. You're now 50 slowly dieing and wondering... Where did my life go? Why can't I tell my kids about crazy dates? Oh right... because I told one boy I wanted to spend my life with him... No!

Okay, so now your thinking "JUST BREAK UP WITH HIM FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!" It's more difficult than that. Before Jared asked me out he cut, did drugs, was depressed, and suicidle. I pulled him out of that. Now, if I broke up with him would he go back? Would if he killed himself... THAT WOULD BE ALL MY FAULT! I wouldn't ever forgive myself. He means so much to me! Just not enought to want to hold his hand. You know?
Ugh! I just looked at my hot sauce packet... It said on it Will you Marry me! NO!
Not only am I worried about his mortality, but would if this is just a stage? Would if I regret it in the end? Ugh!

Some One Help Me!