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Wednesday, March 31, 2010

This is me, This is who I am.


As teenagers we all seem to find ourselves confused in who we are and who we want to be. I was writing my myspace about me section and realized there is so much about me, and about myself that I don't need a friend, a family member, a stranger, a boyfriend, or even a magazine to tell me who I am. I know who I am, and who I want to be. So, I wrote this about me for myself. If I ever become confused I can look on here and remember this is who I am. But before you read this I want you to write your own. Post it on your blog. Don't think about anyone but yourself. Don't label yourself as a jock, prep, band geek, or anything else. I know who I am but Who are you?


Me, Myself, and I: My name is Kacee, and I am a generally complicated person. I have too many opinions, and I often question myself if I really do believe in love, and religion. I stand out because I am my own person, and you will never find anyone like me. I blend in because I don't need to be the center of attention all the time to get people to notice me. People often over look me because I don't talk much when I am in school and I often look mad, but that doesn't make me stuck up. I am also never seen. There are lots of people who don't know who I am and don't care, but I would like to think that they are missing out. People often judge me before they know me, but I try not to let them get to my head. I am a friendly person unless you give me a reason not to be. I am usually competative, but I'm not afraid to loose. I believe the truth WILL set you free. If you ask me for the truth you'll get it whether it's good or bad. So, if you're looking for a compliment go find someone who cares a little less about your well being. I am not your average girl so DON'T treat me like one. I hate drama that makes people feel bad. But I love drama that makes people feel good. I am protective over my friends and family so if you treat them bad well you will find yourself in a bad situation. I do pick sides, but it's usually the GOOD side. (Or so my Aunt Haley once told me.) Most the time I get along with girls, but in my opinion guys are the best company to keep. I like hugs, but I need my personal space. Put a salad or a big mac infront of me and I'll pick the salad because I know whats good for me. I am trust worthy, I can keep a secret, and I can keep my promises. I believe in living life to the fullest, but when the fullest isn't the best choice then find something else to do. I eat to much, I'm way to tall, my hair never looks good, and I don't have the skinniest waiste. But for the most part get on my good side and you'll find yourself a true friend.
Things I don't like: When people walk slow in the hallway. When people complain but don't do anything about it. When people can't apoligize or come to terms with their mistakes. When people feel bad for themselves... or so my grandma would so "Whoe is me"... When people make a promise, but never keep it. People who think they are better then everyone else. When my phone doesn't get service. When nothing in the house sounds good to eat. When there isn't anything to eat. When my favorite pen runs our of ink. When one rude comment ruins my day. When people bring the bad drama onto themselves, and then complain about it. When people expect things out of me.
GIRLS: No one likes high pitched screams, or hair that looks like a rat has made your head into a home. You always complain about guys not treating you how you should be treated but seriously, if you don't treat yourself how you want to be treated then why should they? Clean up your act... Pull up your shirts, makes your shorts longer, and loose the attitudes.
BOYS: Take advice from someone who knows... No girl wants to date a guy who has a bad attitude, a rude mouth, or does drugs. Just because your insides are on the outside of your body doesn't make you any better then girls are. Also, just because you're a guy doesn't give you a free pass to be perverted. Girls are humans also, so treat us like one! Also, just because you play sports, and have good looks doesn't mean you should act like your amazing.
Things I do like: Days that just go good. That one comment that turns a bad day into a great day. Good hair days. New friends. Sitting on the toilet when you've been holding it in for who knows how long! That one song that you can't stop listening to. That one good memory that seems to keep playing over and over again inside your head. That moments in life when you realize everything is going to be okay, that your life isn't as bad as you thought it would, and when you find beauty in the weirdest places. When guys open the door for me. When the person you like, likes you back. A book that I can't seem to put down. When all the world walks out on me, and I realize I don't need them. When I go running but I don't ever seem to get tired.
If I am me, then who are you?

Saturday, March 27, 2010

...Love?...

Does anyone want to know what bugs me? Well, if you don't go away because I'm going to tell you anyways... What bugs me is I'm blind to see "love". So blind to the fact that I don't even belive in it anymore.
Seriously though... My dad loved me, and I pushed him away. Then, the second I do finally realize that he did love me that was my last change to talk to him... The next day he died.
Another example, after my dad died I was so desperate to find "love" that I went out with a boy because I didn't feel like anyone loved me. When really I had friends that loved me and were there for me all along! Like Matt! Matt's been by my side through all of this crap, and I didn't notice it. Or Jordan! Jordan's been with me through it all! I mean we almost died three times togther!
Isn't it so sad that it takes big events like that for me to realize that?
AND THE AWARD FOR THE WORST FRIEND AND DAUGTER IN THE WORLD GOES TOO... (opens up the white evelope.) KACEE LLEWELYN!

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

So blind that even death could see

If you were here I would have felt the same.
The hate would forever go on untamed.
If you were here I'd still hate you.
For all the trying you tried to do.
For trying to patch up the past forgiven you would never be
"For all the things you did to me"
And now the feeling haunts me like an unforgiving ghost
And now I realize what hurts the most
is it took so much hate to realize I loved you
and it took death to let the love shine through

Dear Dad,

Dear Dad,
I don't think it's fair that I don't get a say in any of this. I didn't get a say in anything. I never do! At first it was, "She is too little to make such a big dision." and now it's, "She's just a stupid teenager who thinks she knows everything." IT'S NOT! I'M NOT! I AM MORE WISE THEN ALL MY FRIENDS PUT TOGETHER! Dad it's not fair. I didn't get a say in what happens to me. I didn't get to decide that I wanted my dad dead at thirteen. I DID NOT PUT THIS IN MY "PLAN" UP IN HEAVEN! I didn't get to decide what your funeral song could be, when your funeral day should take place, if you should be buried or burned, and I SHOULD get your ashes for crying out loud!
I don't have closure dad. On a regular day it feels like you're still alive, but when something bad happens it hits me. I didn't think I would miss you this much when i wished that you were dead... That was the one thing I did think I got a say in. UGH! Maybe I wasn't wise then but I am now. A little late you know? Shelbie was right... I do deserve it.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

PANTS!

Hey guys! Yesterday, I went shopping for pants with my mom in Rue 21. The skinny jeans that I wear as you probably know were huge on me! They were size 5/6. I go in there and decided to buy boot cut jeans. My mom told me to try on a 3/4. So I did and they weren't tight enough. So she had me try on a 1/2 size and I fit. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT! I FINALLY FIT IN LITTLE JEANS, AND THEY ARE LONG ENOUGH!!! WOOT! I am so happy!
Now, that I can fit into small jeans, I need to work on getting abs...