ALASKA!

Guess what guys! It's offical! We are moving to Alaska! I'm so excited! Like seriously my room is already ready to go. I just need to sell my bed, dresser, and tv and pack my clothes and I'm ready to go! Were leaving in the middle of August. I'm so excited! I get to be with my family again! I get to make new friends and go to a new school, AND I might get my puppy.
Which will be good because I need someone to run with that will run with me. Everyone else I've ran with is either too slow or too fast. I'm so excited!

MoViNg

Well... There's good news, and there is bad news. But... Its the same news...
I'm moving! The reason why that is good is because I seriously need a new start. I need to get away from here. Why? Well, because in this house in my very own kitchen I learned my dad died, and that's where this all started. I got depress and in my very own room I tempted to cut the pain away, I tried to starve myself cause I thought I was getting fat, but that ended up back firing and I stuffed my face and ended up doing the complete opposite... getting fat. Then, I just got angry and now I just need a new start. A home where all these things wont "haunt" me. In case you guys are wondering no I'm not depressed, no I'm not cutting, no I'm not trying to starve myself. I honestly think cross country cured that for me. Also, all that weight I gained and more I lost. :D Wooh!
The reason me moving is bad is because I have people I care about here. Randy, and Jordan mostly. Those two are awesome! I'm going to miss them so much! But, I'm going to see if I can come visit, or if they can come visit me.

And where will I be moving? It sounds like I'm going home to Alaska. :D You see, the bank took our house yesterday. The for sale sign is up, and we have this weird thing hanging on our door knob. Someone is coming to look at our house today at three. After someone decides to buy it we have thirty days to get out.
So far it sounds like the plan is that were going to sale our suburban (sad day I love my suburban its a beast!) and get a new one. We going to fill it up with all the crap were taking and pull a trailer along with. Katie and my mom will drive to Alaska. I will fly with chase up to Alaska, and Steve will stay here and finish out school in an apartment.
Also, my cousins, aunt, uncles, and grandparents will be up there. Also, my older sister will be too!

And I've already decided my cousin Vince is getting forced to teach me guitar. :D

=(

I'm a terrible girlfriend. I let some stuff that has been going on in my family get to me. Then I took it out on Randy. I know I shouldn't have and I feel dumb. It's also me worrying that the same things that will happen in past relationships will happen again.
I just... worry he'll leave me for someone better. I hate that feeling. I'm pretty sure I've jacked things up big time for myself. I don't really deserve him though. He's too good for me anyways. I should feel comfortable with him hanging out with some of his friends that are girls without him falling for them right? Right... Ugh. That just makes me worry more.
Also, my mom wants to go home to Alaska. So, does Katie. I really don't have a say, but my mom has been through so much and her dad is dying. What am I supposed to say? "Mom. Were not leaving. We staying here. I'm sorry, but you can't see your dad's final moments because I'm a stuck up brat of a daughter."
Ugh. Why can't something good come easy for me? I have the bad stuff coming in like a breeze.

I'm moving... For sure this time.

I know you guys have herd this before, but I have to move this time. The bank is taking our house, so now we have to move. I woke up this morning to my step dad packing...
Surprise...
I don't want to go this time. I want to stay. I'm going to miss Jordan, and Randy the most. They are my heroes.

GAH!

Agh! Stupid movie. I miss him. :(

Hemophilia 5K

Today, I got up at five in the morning and went and ran a 5K for my steps dads hemophilia foundation. Unfortunately, we got caught in traffic and we had one minute to get on out numbers, and strip into shorts and a tank top. Also, I had to pee, and there was no way I was going to run 3.1 miles having to pee! So while everyone else started the race I was in the bathroom. Ha ha. I caught up to Katie, my mom, and my mom's boss and stripped down, grabbed my ipod and ran.
I cheered people on and waved to a police officer. Ha ha. When I finished the finish line I had finished it in 25 minutes. Also, I was in 11th place out of 316. I was second place in my age group. (13-18)
Yeah I was pretty happy. I also walked another mile walking back to find where Katie and them were at in the race. Now, I'm freezing cold and starving.
Ha ha. I had fun though. :D

Learn.To.Fail by Kalli Dakos

I know you guys have seen this on my other blog, but I absolutely love this poem.

Learn to stumble, learn to fall, only then will you grow tall. Learn to try, learn to fail, only then will your life sail, Like a ship upon the sea that found the secret to be free. Don't dodge from waves or flee from storms, don't stay where it is safe and warm. But journey, like a bold, strong ship that goes through life well equipped, To ride the waves and seek new shores, to go where no one's gone before. And if your ship should hit a rock, and break apart and have to stop. Then take the time to make repairs, rest for a while, but don't stay there. And amid the shattered decks and sails don't worry that so far you've failed. Just fix and patch and build once more, continue to your distant shore. And if you lose your way this time, seek once more until you find Your dream come true at journey's end, then rest a while and dream again. The ship that makes it in the night is the ship that sees its own strong light. In spite of all the dangerous rocks and the chance of getting lost, The ship that's not afraid to fail is the only ship that's free to sail. By Kalli Dakos

Monday!

Hey guys! I'm so stoked for Monday! (Sorry Emily uses stoked. Thought I'd try it out.=] ) Katie and I go in for our job and get all the rules, and figure out what were going to be doing. That means I'm hopefully going to have money to do things! I'm so excited! Especially because I owe Jordan a meal from big burger and so much more for letting me chill with Randy!
Love you Jordan! You're an awesome friend!

Summer running.

Hey everyone. I figured out what I like running so much. I like it because I feel accomplished and I'm in a good mood when I'm done. Without exercise I get SOOO grumpy! Seriously this whole week I've been in the worst mood and I went running today and now I'm so content and happy. It's nice. :P

Yeah I went to cross country practice and Buddha and Jake showed up. Buddha was doing a Marathon so he needed to take it easy so he ran with me... lol shows how bad I suck. Any who, I made it my goal to keep up with him, and I did! When we got done my time was 25 minutes... My fastest cross country is 26 minutes... WOO! I am in even better shape now for cross country then when I ended cross country! That made me so happy, but I think it was because I had someone there pushing me. I wish someone would do that more for me.

Also, I'm on the phone with Randy. I have nothing to talk about. :( I'm such a lame-o.

death isn't the hard part... its saying goodbye every day that is-One Tree Hill

All right let's be realistic here... or not realistic at all...

What would happen if a super hero was alive? Like Batman, spiderman, and superman? Huh? Would if we really did depend on one man to save our lives. EVERYONE would depend on these guys. They're not sure who he is, but their lives rest in this super hero's hands. He proves to us over and over again how good his intentions are by saving lives, and still we want more. We write news paper articles about him, talk about him, and still not trust him. We wanted him to prove to us again his intentions. Even though with our own eyes we saw him save lives over and over again. Well, would if we woke up one day and our superhero was dead? His identity is revealed at his funeral and you find out he was a good guy, cause you knew him, he had a pure heart. Now what?

You took your super hero for granted, and now he is gone what do you do? Cry a little? Maybe do some bad things to yourself? Feel bad for yourself? Now, reality sets in. Because evil is here and there's nothing stopping it. It's coming like the joker in batman begins. Now what? No one is here to save you now. The towns all going to die, just like your super hero. The magic that used to live, the happiness... the hope is all gone. Now what?
Now let's go back to reality... There was a super hero alive. Not like spiderman, batman, or superman. He was even better. I did depend on him with my life. After all he made me. His blood runs through my veins. I didn't notice at the time that I did depend on him. He proved to me his intentions were good, and over and over again... and I rejected him. I wrote rude poems about him, talked bad about him to my friends... I wouldn't even let him in... I didn't trust him. I didn't want to because I was scared... Well one day I woke up and my super hero died. His identity was shown at his funeral and everyone was there. He was a good guy, and I took it all for granted.

So guess what I did?... I cried A LOT. Did some bad things to myself. I felt bad for myself. All those feelings never went away. GUESS WHAT! Reality did set in. Evil IS here. Whether my superhero was alive or not nothing stopped the evil from coming in. Just like the joker on batman begins. No one is here to save me. No one is here to protect me. No one can save me now. There's now no magic in the world, there is not any happiness... And hope died a long time again.

That super hero was my dad. This reality were talking about is a true story, and there is no; now what? Because I can't help how I feel. But, I can help you.... Find all those heroes in your life. Don't take that person for granted. Cherish what you have. Because one day they will be gone, and you don't want that blanket of guilty resting on your shoulders. Trust me.

P.s.

P.s. I gave up on the P90x diet cause the diet was making me sick. I will probably do the workout part still but that is depending on the energy I have left from cross country.

Burstons.

Yesterday Jordan invited me to go swimming at Burstons with Rachelle and her. Jordan, and I ended up going, and when we got there we decided we had to pee. We were so excited that there was Port-o-potty's there. So, we were in them and all the sudden Jordan goes,
"KACEE!!!" and I look to my side and scream,
"THERE'S NO TOILET PAPER!" So, we sat there complaining about how gross that was for like three minutes. Finally, we both got up and went out. There was no hand sanitizer in the port-o-potty's either. Yeah that's how we started out day off at Burstons.
So, we found where we were going to swim at and we laid out all our towels and I started blowing up by my mouth this huge floaty I brought. Then, this old guy walks by and says,
"Wow... You got a ways to go." Twenty minutes later I was still blowing it up, and the old guy kept walking by with a funny comment.
Then somehow we started talking about Randy, and Jordan decided to invite him. She called and invited him, and surprisingly he could come. So, we also called Rachelle and forced her to come. While we were waiting for everyone to show up Jordan got on the big tube I had blown up and floated out. I sure didn't want to get her, and she didn't want to paddle herself back and tip herself over and get wet. So, this little boy swims around and Jordan asks him to save her. Lol. and he does. I ask him how old he is and he says thirteen. LOL! So, Jordan now owes her life to a thirteen year old boy.
Randy shows up and gets right in the water... He got in there faster than Jordan and I and we were there like an hour before haha. Any who, then Rachelle calls and I had to walk up the road and find her. When we all there Jordan and Rachelle got on the tube and went out and fell in. LOL! That was extremely funny!
Poor Randy though. He was shivering the whole time! And he couldn't swim around and get warm because he didn't know how to swim. I tried to teach him how but he didn't want to learn. And I tried to get him to go on a tube but he was afraid to fall in and drown. So, he just sat there the whole time, and I didn't want to sit there and warm him up because I didn't want Rachelle and Jordan to be like, "Oh my gosh..." and think I just wanted to be there for him. Then, Jordan and Rachelle decided to move to the other side of Burstons where the sun was at. That was a little bit warmer.
I went to get on a tube from a rock and fell in and almost hit my head lol. Everyone was laughing, but I don't blame them. Cause I would have laughed too! Then, some how Jordan fell in and was like to heck with it! So, she decided to go swimming with me. :D I like swimming. YAY!
We then left and Rachelle and Jordan went to Jordan's house and made pizza while Randy and I chilled at the park.
It was a great day. Just being with my friends and Randy was nice. :D I missed him so much it wasn't even funny. I still miss him but no as bad cause I only saw him yesterday. I hugged him as much as I dared to. (I didn't want to get on his nerves.) He's really cute also. :D He has this crazy curly hair! It's so cute! He's perfect!
Of course the second I herd he was coming I had my mind set I wasn't going to strip down into my bikini. I kept my shorts and tank top on the entire time. Jordan and Rachelle are perfect! Super skinny! Super pretty! There perfect and then there was me. Yeah... Then when my hair got went it went curly and I looked like crap, and my not-so water proof mascara isn't water proof. So I had make up all over my face....
Needless to say I'm still waiting for him to text me saying, "We're over!" Just cause of the way I looked yesterday compared to my friends. Not cute. Grr...
:D It was a great day though. :D

P.S.! I got a Job and Lisa's country kitchen! YAY! I start on Monday at nine o' clock with Katie.

YUCK!

What I've eaten today:
-Salade with no dressing, so it was pretty much lettuce and tomatoes.
-cottage cheese
-egg whites with nothing on them
-oatmean with 1/2 a bannana in it
-protein shake.

I didn't think food could be so tasteless, and I'm hungry. Along with p90x I have to train for cross country. I don't think I'm getting enough food. I don't know. I'll talk to my mom and see what she thinks. I eat this healthy all the time I just usually eat more... You know?

Here goes nothing.

Hey! I got bored today so I started looking through our families P90X box. I decided I was going to go on the p90x diet and see if it really works. So, I read the guides to do it and I'm going to see how long I last. It's really strict so I'm really scared to see how this goes.

As you all know my step dad went in for surgery and got something in his stomach moved up. The doctor said the only reason why his surgery went so well was because the muscles inside his stomach were so intact, and my step dad has been doing the diet. So, that means it was working for him.

So, chances are I'll give in and get hungry and start eating. But we will see.

Randy...

I miss Randy so much it's not even funny! Summer is lame. I can't wait til I turn sixteen then my mom HAS to let me hang out with guys cause she let Ashley and Katie.
He's such a sweet heart too, and when he is being all cute over texting it makes me miss him more. Or when he sends pictures... yeah. I'm so stupid!

SuMmEr...

Don't get me wrong being out of school is great. The stressing out about grades, running, getting up early, and worrying about what I look like are gone!... but summer really hasn't started. At least not for me. My parents went to Tennessee for a whole week leaving Katie and I to watch chase, and hold down the fort. Of course Katie sat on the couch while I did everything! I clean the entire house and took care of chase while she just sat there. I was so irritated it was no even funny. Then when the whole house is completely spotless she decides to invites friends over... they made a mess of the front room and kitchen and then Katie left chase with me when it was her turn to watch him so she could go to her friends house and cook a cake...
So, finally my parents got home last night but now my step dad is in the hemophilia hospital cause he went into surgery and he will be in the hospital for five days... and my mom goes into surgery a couple days after his surgery... Katie and I... or should I say I will get stuck watching chase again...
... I didn't ask for this. I want a normal summer. Like what NORMAL teenagers do in the summer. Not babysit the entire time and NOT get paid. Because I've been so exhausted my summer goals went out the window.

1. Go to seven peaks at least four times. (I could still do it.)
2. Swim in Mona res. often. (It's not warm enough to do that yet.)
3. Wake up and have a healthy breakfast... that latest is 9:30. (9:30? psh... I've been sleeping til 12... and healthy breakfast? there isn't even anything in this house to eat!)
4. Do some P90X (I've done some P90X but not as much as I would like.)
5. Run. I need to keep in shape so cross country wont kick my butt like it did this year. (too late for that I'm probably already out of shape.)
6. Get a tan (Get a tan? Screw that. I don't have time.)
7. Read four books. :D Cause I don't get to do that during school. (Time to read? For those of you who have met chase you would understand when I say I don't have time to read a book when he is around.)
8. Get my permit. (This one I have worked on. I read the Drivers ed. book. Now I just need to study more and go take the test.)
9. Try to keep eating healthy foods. (No food in the house remember!)
10. Get mom on a bike. (How am I supposed to get her on a bike when she is getting surgery?
11. Hang out with friends! (Friends don't want to help you babysit your little brother...)
12. run to Mona res with Jordan and jump right in! (naw... too cold to jump in.)
13. Have a barbecue! (Yeah right... with what money?!)

This summer sucks. Hopefully I can get a job this summer. My mom said if I can get a job she will get me a credit card and I can manage my own money. YAY...

The worst part of this summer is a miss Randy like crazy. :( My parents don't let me hang out with guys. I don't understand why though... I'm not a skank like almost every girl in Nephi, Mona, and Levan. Texting him just isn't cutting it! I miss him so much! I'm going crazy... :(
Summer 2010... So far blows....