SCREW IT!

Let's get serious right now. What the hell are we fighting for? Why are we going through all this shit!? What in the end is going to be so great that is worth living for? I mean in life we have all been asked or thought about the question "Is he/she/it worth dying for?" When the real question should be is it worth living for?
I have such a hard time trying to find a reason to live. I am so fucking depressed I can't even scrap the top of this happiness mystery. I feel so good then I am just hit with this wave of hurt.
I'm sick of being strong. I am sick of holding it all in. I am sick of being okay just because that is what everyone wants to hear. I have told people I am not okay and they always change the subject. I am so done with putting everyone else before me. I sit and listen to a bunch of people complain all the time about worthless shit and then when I need them to complain about worthless shit they are not there for me! WHAT THE HELL!?
I have such a fucked up support system. I realized yesterday that if Brian decides he doesn't want me anymore I don't know how much longer I will be able to last. I just don't even know if he loves me anymore and that hurts since he is the one person that I thought did. I hate that I am dependent on him, but I am. I don't want to be strong anymore. Maybe I need that stupid super hero after all.