HOPE

I need something to believe in. Something that I can think about that will give me hope when I just want to end it all. I remember my therapist trying to do this, but I was too stubborn to try. Back then I wanted to talk about what was going wrong because that was why I was in there.
Now that school is out I am giving myself a break. I need to figure myself out. I need to no longer allow myself to be burn out. I did a little soul searching and discovered that I am burn out because I feel like I am doing all this work and never getting anywhere with it. So, I decided to try to focus on a future career and plan out the perfect one, and not stop until I get it. 

My Dream Life Long List of Dream Jobs:
zoo keeper
marine biologist
combat medic
personal trainer
physical therapist
nurse
emt
firefighter
nutritionist
FBI
forensic anthropologist
lawyer
teacher
therapist
humanitarian
wildlife photographer
astrologist

Things I Natrually Enjoy
running
reading
writing
helping
planting flowers
exercise
eating healthy
scrapbooking
fishing
learning

Things That Excite My Imagination
Working on that haunted house
teaching
traveling
public speaking
creating

People I Admire
grandpa because he loved to work
my dad because he helped people just because
micheal jackson because he did what he wanted despite what people thought
brian because he is so smart and so thoughtful
steve because he gets excited  about building things
mom because she has a good work ethic
grandma because she always knows what to say (or at least she did before grandpa died.)

Why All The Things Listen Above Make Me Happy
I feel like I am:
moving forward
helping
learning
getting things done
becoming someone that the world needs
growing as a person
making stories to tell

Times When I am Enjoying Myself
When I am with Brian
When I am part of something bigger then myself
When I am working hard on something that I know will go noticed
When am I doing something I love
When people recognize how hard I work
When I feel loved

I guess this all just sparks my imagination. I want hope... NO I NEED HOPE! I am sick of being sad all the time and I hate how I can't just turn it around like I would like to, but I am stuck in this dark and deep hole clawing trying to get out.

 I just need to reach for the stars.