I used too...

I used to have a drive like I was destined to do something great. I used to want something from this world. I always thought that I was going to grow up and go amazing things. I used to work hard at everything that I did, and I used to stand back and look at what I accomplished and feel proud of myself. I used to own the ground I walked on, and I used to smile everyday and mean it. I used to stand with amazing posture and I used to love everyone I met, not matter who they were or what they did. I used to think the world was beautiful, and that happiness is all around you.
I used to, but I don't now. I didn't know that one day everything amazing that world was would come to an end. I don't understand it sometimes. I have a 3.9677 gpa, I am on the varsity for track and cross country, I qualify for state every year, I am ranked 6th in my class, I have scholarship opportunities, I am healthy, and I am a hard worker... Why don't I feel proud of myself?! Why is it that the ground beneath me seems to crumble? It's like I walk everyday worried that it's going to give out and that I am going to fail. I am not confident any more, I'm more like the kid that hides in the corner waiting for all the bad to happen.
Where did it all go? Why did it all have to change? How can the world go from SO amazing... to completely horrifying?...
Everywhere I go people are tearing me down. They are putting me in stereotypes, and telling me what I HAVE to do with my life. They are telling me I am wrong. They are telling me what I think is wrong. They are always arguing with me, and finding ways to ruin what I begin to think I have going for me. They are the reason the ground beneath me seems like its going to break at any minute.
Why would anyone want to make me feel this way? Why do people purposely push aside someones thoughts and dreams, and criticize them? I don't understand. I wish I had a best friend to talk to that didn't act like my ideas were stupid. I wish I had someone that listened.... ACTUALLY LISTENED! Not sitting there thinking of ways to tell me what I should do, how I should feel, and why I am wrong. I want someone to help pick me back up. I want someone to WANT to come watch me race, and I want someone to be excited for me when I call and tell them that I made the honors committee. I want someone to really care about me!
I can't even tell you how many soccer games I have been too, or how many talent shows I went and watched. I went and supported my cousins getting homecoming king and queen, I wore A FUCKING DRESS to my sisters wedding, I offer my sister 500 dollars so she could go to Italy for spring break, and I tell my step dad who hates my guts that its super cool he got a raise. When is it my turn to get a thank you? When will someone come support me? When will someone act proud of me? I had to tape my own report card... that has all A's onto the fridge...
I just want a little love in return... But I never get it. I try so hard, but its hard to do when no one wants to help share the glory with you. Why is it always me who gets over looked?