I went to the movies on Saturday night with an old friend named Josh. I missed him alot! He's a great friend, and he was obviously super happy to see me. We started talking like we never stopped it was great. When the movie (Inception) started he moved around in his chair alot. I ignored it at first. Until he also put his arm on the same arm thing my arm was on. I mean I was fine with staring but he purposly was rubbing his arm against mine and then draping his hand super close to mine. He wanted to hold hands! I thought about it and... It just didn't fit. Me holding hands with one of my best guy friends. It just doesn't work. Not only that but I thought of Randy and how I would feel if he held Brook's hand and I just got sick in my stomache. Not that were together anymore. It shouldn't matter. I guess it didn't help that I was sitting in the movies while Randy was dancing the night away with one of my old friends having the time of his life. I mean I had fun to, but I wished it was with him. Then, I thought of the new guy I like and how unfair it would be that if that guy started to talking to me then that pretty much meant I would have been leading Josh on, and it just doesn't work. I can't treat people like that. It's not who I am.
I got home and I was so upset! I don't know I was fine with hearing how Randy had a great time, and hugged her. Heck! I would have been fine if they kissed I was that confortable with it... until I logged into facebook. I saw what Randy wrote. It said how he loves being single because now he can do what ever he wants, and went on about how great it was. It just... broke my heart all over again. I can't fight back the fact that I still love him! I just can't. But I can't hold onto somehting that isn't there anymore. If he doesn't love me then he doesn't love me. I thought long and hard about it and decided it would be best if he just didn't talk to me at all. I told myself that I can't look around on facebook and read other poeple's posts because I would get jealous of him. I need to check comments and get off. That's it. I can't keep torturing myself... or I'll be doing bad things to myself. So, Randy is gone. That's that.
Other stuff: Things at school are getting a little strange haha. Here people notice everything I swear! Do you have any idea how many times a day people come up to me and ask if I am crying? I'm not! Today I was told three things. 1) that I have beautiful eyes. 2) That I look like I am crying. 3) That I am fierce! ... Fierce really? Do I look like I am that mad!?!
Also, there is a boy at my school. Haha. Bless his heart! He came running to tell me that he got a scholarship for running., but I was on the phone with my mom. So, he settled for telling Katie. Then, yesterday at home my mom was like, "Who is that kid who got the scholarship?" I had no idea what she was talking about lol. She said that Chris wanted to tell me, but I was on the phone. I felt so bad! Then today he said,
"Hey Kacee! What movie did you go see?!" I said,
"Inception. Where you at the movies that night?!"
"Yeah!"
"Hey, I herd you got a scholarship or something?!"
"Yeah! A scholarship for cross country."
"Hey that's awesome!"
*high five here!*
"What movie did you go see?!" He said some scary movie.
"Oh..."
"Don't like scary movies?!"
"No, I do.. just not devil ones."
I don't really know him, but he seemed to adopt me as his friend. lol. He's super cute I think. He just isn't the guy I like you know?!
.....
Also, there is this boy... not naming names cause that would be rude, but he is driving me crazy! He likes me I guess but he wont leave me alone! He sits right next to me in this one class where we dont have assigned seats. I purposly sit in a table that has no one in it so I dont have to talk to anyone and he just plops right down next to me! He also signs up for the same group as me and it's so annoying. UGH! Everyone says he always talks about me too...
Great.
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