Its 2010 and I want a New Year. Can I try again? Start over and make it start off great? Please! Something happened over spring break. I saw Katie go on her first date. I saw her drool over a boy, and having her not be able to sleep because she was lost in her own dreams about a boy she didn't even know. Then, I watched her be upset, because he never texted her after their date.
My sister Ashley is moving halfway across the United States just because of a crush she has on a boy she doesn't even know!
Now, Don't get me wrong... I love Jared, he texts and calls me all the time. He is there for me and makes everything seem okay. But it seems I love him in more of a friendly way. It's gone. The feelings are there but not enough to stay with him.
I see my friends drooling over boys. I see them have heart break and I see their faces light up when something happens, and I see them joke around when something doesn't happen. I see them glowing and in pain.
Then, I got thinking... Am I wasting my highschool expirience on one boy? I would think so. Jared plans for us to be together... and married forever. Married? Forever! No! No! No! No! NO! Im fifteen years old! That's ugh no! Think about it girls... Stuck with the same boy since you were fifteen years. You're now 50 slowly dieing and wondering... Where did my life go? Why can't I tell my kids about crazy dates? Oh right... because I told one boy I wanted to spend my life with him... No!
Okay, so now your thinking "JUST BREAK UP WITH HIM FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!" It's more difficult than that. Before Jared asked me out he cut, did drugs, was depressed, and suicidle. I pulled him out of that. Now, if I broke up with him would he go back? Would if he killed himself... THAT WOULD BE ALL MY FAULT! I wouldn't ever forgive myself. He means so much to me! Just not enought to want to hold his hand. You know?
Ugh! I just looked at my hot sauce packet... It said on it Will you Marry me! NO!
Not only am I worried about his mortality, but would if this is just a stage? Would if I regret it in the end? Ugh!
Some One Help Me!
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